FemalePsychology

“I got married not because I wanted to, but because it was time!” 

The real story of how dangerous the desire to achieve standard success: career, marriage, children.
On the wedding day, instead of joy and happiness, the heroine felt lost and sobbed in the bathroom.
Brandi Neal, a journalist and writer, married at 31. At the wedding ceremony in the resort town was attended by over 80 relatives and friends. Finally, she did what was expected of her from the age of 8, when her mother gently folded her communion dress and said: “Someday you will give it to your daughter.”
Brandy grew up in a small working-class town in Ohio, populated primarily by Catholics, with traditional values, cheap beer, and the cult of football. Several generations of her Irish-Italian family grew up and lived there. Most acquaintances were satisfied with their lives, and she always wanted to escape from this limited world.
But although she felt different, she nonetheless unbearably wanted to be accepted by local society. Brandi’s parents divorced. She grew up in poverty and all her school years was subjected to merciless humiliations. All this made her strive to prove that she was no worse than others, and by a certain age to achieve standard success: career, marriage, children.
She graduated from college, moved to Maine, began working as a reporter, and at that time most of her friends got married and had children. She was about 27 years old, and the most frequent question she was asked was: “Do you have a boyfriend?” When she answered negatively, they looked at her with pity and assured that in the end she had someone will appear, writes Vustle.
Although Brandi did not feel ready for family responsibilities, she nonetheless shared traditional local values, although it was not what she wanted herself. Being unsure of herself and under the pressure of society, she began to put pressure on her boyfriend. He probably knew herself better than she, and immediately declared that he was not ready for marriage and did not know if he wanted children at all. Then Brandi threatened to break off the relationship, and he was forced to make her an offer. But, although she was trying to achieve just that, Brandi did not feel the expected euphoria after the engagement.
She began to plan the wedding, at the same time receiving financial education, and silenced any doubts about the correctness of her choice. However, after the wedding she did not feel better, and anxiety only intensified. And in the relationship with her husband there were many problems that did not exist before. The husband agreed to have a child, but now Brandi began to worry that she would make another irreparable mistake, and decided that they had to part.
She realized that all her adult life was striving for a certain ideal, since she was growing up an unhappy child.
Her parents divorced when she was 3 years old, her father visited her very rarely, and her single mother mostly raised her. As a child, it seemed to her that it would be much better if the parents did not disperse (although, after the divorce, those minutes could not be in the same room without quarreling). This belief was reinforced by the fact that the children of divorced parents had to meet once a week with a Catholic therapist, for which they were cruelly teased by classmates.
Brandy and her husband had a very civilized divorce, during which she turned to a family counselor to understand why she fights for things that clearly do not make her happier. She helped her to understand that she was following a program laid down by society, which she had absorbed since childhood. In addition, a series of injuries at an early age made her strive for a life where the main thing would be not personal happiness, but stability and security.
In the end, Brandi moved to Los Angeles, where everything was different and nothing was considered strange. People either lived alone or created families if they wanted to, and not because society was pushing them to do so. At last she felt at home.
By the way, more and more people of her generation come to such decisions: millennials marry and marry later and less often than representatives of previous generations. Most of the priorities are education and career, and only then serious relations.
Brandi realized that the ideal life does not exist. What beautiful photos in the media and Instagram is not real life.
Behind the happy photos of weddings and newborns are real people with their problems.
After all, she herself posted her joyful wedding photo on the Web, even though she was already doubtful whether she should marry at all.
Now it’s perfect for her to live alone and pursue a career. Her motto is progress, not perfection. Because it is absolutely what makes you happy, and not what society imposes.

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